By Way of the River

(6/18,6/29-30)

Like a river flowing through the forest and the fields,
your love made me change my plans.
As the river helped me find direction,
I always found you walking the same paths.
If I never fell in line with you,
would you still flow the same?
I don't wanna see your reflection, in all the truth that comes my way.
I thought I could just stow my love away, but I find it
staring me down at night, watching me as I sleep.
It's getting hard to stay afloat, with all these worries
weighing down on me.

The steady current always carries me along, but I
still can't remember what it feels like to be strong.
I'll weather your rapids, and push forward through the storms
but I worry that I'll capsize, sending my heart overboard.
Should I catch it, or watch it flow away?
Though I may want to, I can't ask you to stay.
I can't decide what I keep, or when it flows down stream-
but I'll never stop dreaming, somehow- it will find its way back to me.


(Anthony Hamilton deserves to be admired....) NOTE: WRITERS! As I have before, sometimes I put these up unfinished to motivate myself to finish them.. LoL but if you have any suggestions don't feel afraid to speak up! I'm open to it. :)

Rounding the Prey

Free association/write/meditation.
Sometimes when things outside of yourself disturb you it leaves you feeling discouraged and helpless. In those moments, often it's enough just to vocalize it.. and that alone will take some of the power out of it.. helps for us to get things off our chest sometimes...(written 6/18)

These tears will build a trail to get me back home but I know that when I get there I'll still be alone. The world seems so bright but it still burns when I stand, I know that come nighttime I'll be haunted by my dreams. there's a sense of trepidation when I look around me, and I don't see or hear from anyone for miles.

I know that tomorrow I'll be alright, and I know that the next day I will still be just fine. But today seems like an eternity from everywhere else, like no other time exits until I move through. What if there is a time when the wall is too tall and I can't see over it, and I can't break through? What if tomorrow I don't make it to the other side but I'm stuck in yesterday failing to move. What if I get frozen and I just can't break free and I'm left behind for tomorrow and all the days to come?

It's hard for me to let it all go, sometimes I can take it but sometimes I just want to keel over and quit. Sometimes I just can't seem to push myself through when I know that my demons surround me like a shark circling and observing its prey before the attack. I Just want to be happy. Is that so hard? Will I always resort to hovering in order to not fall apart? When is tomorrow when today just won't seem to start?

"There are things that I said I would never do
There are fears that I cannot believe have come true
For my soul is too sick and too little and too late
And my self I have grown too weary to hate

The more I stay in here
The more it's not so clear
The more I stay in here
The more I disappear
As far as I have gone
I knew what side I'm on
But now I'm not so sure
The line begins to blur..."-NIN "The Line Begins to Blur"