Seven Augusts

Every August comes with a disclaimer, in each of the last seven years.
Each unique in the shifts it spawns, and
every instance comes with a price.

Only now can I decide differently, as
all yesterdays disclude wins and losses.
In all moments of the present day,
only the truest ambitions thrive.

 

Each eighth month, the number of luck and irony,

pain is inevitable, yet joy is my mission.

An addiction for putting my face through the clouds

tasting the newborn fog on my tongue just

to remind myself that I am alive and well.

Seven years felt like seven suns when searching

the history to discover the path forward.

 

In each August of every year I find a store of pain.

Be it pain in my heart, pain in another, pain in my universe

each year I find that there are lessons to be learned

that shake up my world and unsettle my mind.

Where are my bearings in this world of change?

All I can feel is that I'm being sent a message

and I'm trying to listen and trust that I'll know what it means.

 

 

Aint No Way

Take it to the pyre
and I still won't back down.
Even when the screams get so loud
that my ears bleed and my eyes burn

Just keep raising the stakes
I'm waiting and ready
even when the fight is gone
I still won't back down.

Call me stubborn
and I'll tell you I'm proud
throw tornadoes at my feet
I'll still turn it around.

If I know one thing at all
its that their aint no easy way out
thankfully I am seeking to stay
will you be there when the smoke clears?

"Ain't no way for me to love you, if you won't let me. Ain't no way for me to give you all you need, if you won't let me give all of me." - Aretha Franklin

Regenerating

Pleading to my heart to slide down from the upper Milky Way
and safely back into my chest where it belongs.
From where it sprung into action, propelled by waves of intention
as clear as a river bed under ripples from a splash.
My mind, is as open as the Grand Canyon,
but its difficult to pinpoint reality when you can't find your footing.

So much has happened, yet so much has stayed the same.
It's amazing how much can change in fifteen days,
and what can transpire in five minutes.
I found myself in the space before me, waiting with open arms-
And the kinship I've been grieving for weeks, reborn before my eyes. 
Isn't it strange, when we feel betrayed,
it's common to discover our owned abandonment?

Live Each Day

"We sang our hearts out like we wouldn't have to leave this moment." -For The Year (band)

They always say you should live each day like it's your last;
like the fear of death should be what moves us to appreciate each moment.
On the other hand, I think we should always live our life like we won't ever have to stop living at all.
Isn't that what joy is? The release of fear from what it will feel like when it's gone?
Joy is the release of the oppressive fear of vulnerability, otherwise known as the "unknown."
How can we ever really appreciate today if we're already thinking about when it will be over?
In this moment, does it ever truly matter how long it will last? Joy can never be measured in length, time, volume, pitch, intensity, weight or speed.
Joy is the beauty in the immeasurable, the treasure in the untouchable, and the epiphany in the intangible.
So why waste our time trying the unattainable, yet undesirable result of grasping that which we are not entitled?
Joy is a gift that only gives for an undisclosed amount of time.
We might as well fly by the seat of our pants and ride out each crazy second of bliss while it dances through our line of vision.
And if we do, may our lives in turn be blessed by the awareness that freedom is real, and possible.
The heights of having everything, bottled up in a moment licensed to no one, but available to anyone.
May our taste for joy never dampen by the trail that it leaves behind, for instead we can use it as a light-
to guide us through each moment knowing that it will greet us in good time as long as we remain open.

The beatings that life can bring make us all want to close our big hearts to the world,
yet its our entourage of protective walls keeping us from feeling the flight of wholehearted living.
The world tells us: don't feel, just live. Don't get caught up, hung up, let down or held down. Keep moving.
Joy tells us, stop thinking so much, let it go, lighten up, open up and breathe into the beauty. Open your eyes.
Open your heart, and don't be afraid to lose your mind every now and then,
because when you get it back clearer, you can never know what depths of joy available to you unless you're willing to take that leap into the unknown, and do so with reckless abandon.

Love you Bro.

Out of the Embers

There's always so many words
when there's no time or room to say them.
So many wakeful nights spent spinning
with the thoughts in my head
and like the dial on a Fortune wheel
I find myself in perpetual wonder
towards what, when or where my
thoughts will lead me.

If in a few words I could say
what amounts to a thousand-
from my heart of hearts
I would be a rich, wise woman.
Until then I'm wrestling to come out
on top of these competing themes
eating at my ears and setting
the hairs on the back of my neck on alert.

See, there's a fire in my heart, and
I know I'm due to love it...
but when I approach I haven't quite
mastered the art of not getting burned.
This fire burns so beautifully and I know
unlike live flames, it will never die.
Yet I cannot strain to step out of the embers unless I learn to dance with the flames.

The original inspiration for "Road To The Phoenix"

In around 2002, I discovered the Tao Te Ching and was floored, and immediately felt connected to, enamored with and inspired by it in ways that many people undoubtedly experience reading the bible. It made sense to me, right away. Yet in the last 12 years the meaning has continued to expand and grow as I have, what a beautiful concept.

There's one particular verse that stands out, it inspired the Phoenix I had imagined for years, that I then searched for an image online to match my longing daydreams and fatefully discovered in Lois Cordelia's work. Lois Cordelia is the artist responsible for the amazing image that graces the logo on this website, and also inspired the creation of the tattoo on my thigh by artist Sharonn Bradbury.

Verse 22 -- Celebrate
No-thing remains itself.
Each prepares the path to its opposite.

To be ready for wholeness, first be fragmented.
To be ready for rightness, first be wronged.
To be ready for fullness, first be empty.
To be ready for renewal, first be worn out.
To be ready for success, first fail.
To be ready for doubt, first be certain.

Because the wise observe the world
through the Great Integrity, 
they know they are not knowledgeable.
Because they do not perceive
only through their perceptions,
they do not judge this right and that wrong.
Because they do not delight  in boasting,
they are appreciated.
Because they do not announce their superiority,
they are acclaimed.
Because they never compete,
no one can compete with them.

Verily, fragmentation prepares the path to wholeness,
the mother of all origins and realizations.
 -Lao Tzu, translated by Ralph Alan Dale

I highly and wholeheartedly recommend the version shown in the link below, as there have been hundreds of translations of this legendary work- none could hold a candle to the succinct, vibrant version translated from Chinese by Ralph Alan Dale. This version is stocked with beautiful artistic works, both in illustration and photography to highlight the timeless beauty and simplicity of the verses; as well as commentary after the featured verses to help those new to Taoism understand its construct and terms. There's also a helpful introduction to introduce Taoism, its history; and Lao Tzu's motivation to use "metaphoric fragments which sing the literary music of the right brain, the transcendence of language through unordinary language" (Dale, Intro, XII).  The introduction also helps readers better understand the left and right cerebral hemispheres and the very fabric of our minds and spirits that the work intends to tap into, and the aspects of liberation "from our limitations and distortions" that Lao Tzu sought to guide people towards.

When we are "fragmented," it is difficult to imagine that our countless pieces could ever fit together again to regain any semblance of the figure and identity we possessed before.  There are messages in the universe, however, that guide us to loosen our grip on what we think we've known all along; even as intrinsically as we may see and know ourselves.  To think that we could let go and experience monumental loss at our own design; and in doing so gain the wholeness that we all seek to a greater capacity than we've ever known- is a difficult leap of faith to make.  Without doing so, however, we can never even achieve a chance at the fullness of life and joy that we all deserve. Without faith and hope, we are nothing. The blessed thing about life, though is that we are never at a loss for either. Faith, by definition is always awaiting us in our periphery, destined to be elicited by conscious acts of love for ourselves and others. It is to be discovered when we are ready, and when we are most in need of its energy and direction- and a little dot of hope is all we need to be transported to where we can discover it.  We can never leave or be released from the "unwanted" places within ourselves if we do not have the courage to seek them out, open the door to live within them and love with the same fervor that we too often waste desperately sprinting to escape them. To be what you seek in happiness and freedom, we must first feel the pain of the shackles tightened over the nightmares of our past. To be set free, we must first admit that we have been held down for far too long. Be empty, to be fulfilled.

May you be peace and love always,
Phoenix