(I was recently invited to speak for One Billion Rising, and while looking through material I was inspired to reinterpret this piece, as it seems to have taken new meaning in my life over the years, with new vision and growth having occurred since I wrote it. Feel free to share your thoughts!)
I thought that I would break.
Me and my big old heart,
what would be left, once I could get back up?
No one ever uttered those words aloud
but I heard them in the quieted tones and the
muttered glances like amplified whispers.
Sure, I've learned a thing or two about pain
over the years since your shame.
I lost my innocence on a fateful day, that remains
a distant memory, despite the demise.
I encountered a darkness I had never seen when
I faced the demons incited by you.
But I've learned a thing or two about me as well,
about what is inside me, beyond what you can tell
beyond what others see, or can even hear
underneath my heartbeat, underneath my chest.
Outside of my bleeding heart, yet holding it close.
It pushes me to stand, when my heart wants to rest.
It gets me out of bed, when I want to shut the world out.
It gives me back my smile, when I struggle with my fears.
It encourages me to do my best, when I feel beaten down.
It gives me comfort when I need it the most,
and it understands when my anger roasts me.
It picks me up when I've lost my ground, and
and gives me faith far beyond what is "sound."
It's the fire that feeds me when my body runs cold,
and it's the mist that cools me when my passion burns.
It's the reason I stand, and permits me to stand down.
It fuels me when I lose my will, and shows me how to stop when I've had my fill.
It's the reason I'm alive; despite what I do, how much I get hurt
or how much I've been through.
It's stronger than my intuition and even my heart
the spirit inside me will never die.
