Breathing Phoenix

When you left,
everyone expected me to break.
Me and my big old heart,
what could be left, once she's gotten up?
No one ever uttered those words aloud
but I hear them in the quieted tones and the
muttered glances like amplified whispers.

Sure, I've learned a thing or two about pain
this time around with a broken heart..
I lost a lover and my friend, who remains
inside me, despite her departure.
I've encountered a darkness I had never seen when
I lost the life I shared with you.

But I've learned a thing or two about me as well,
about what is inside me, beyond what you can tell
beyond what others see, or can even hear
underneath my heartbeat, underneath my chest.
Outside of my bleeding heart, yet holding it close.
It pushes me to stand, when my heart wants to rest.
It gets me out of bed, when I want to shut the world out.
It gives me back my smile, when I struggle with my fears.
It encourages me to do my best, when I feel beaten down.
It gives me comfort when I need it the most,
and it understands when my anger roasts me.
It picks me up when I've lost my ground, and
and gives me faith far beyond what is "sound."
It's the fire that feeds me when my body runs cold,
and it's the mist that cools me when my passion burns.

It's the reason I stand, and permits me to stand down.
It fuels me when I lose my will, and shows me how to stop when I've had my fill.
It's the reason I'm alive; despite what I do, how much I get hurt
or how much I miss you.
It's stronger than my intuition and even my heart
the spirit inside me will never die.