Surviving. What Does it Mean Anyway?

What does 'surviving' actually mean? (or Survivor for that matter)
Is it the ability to stay alive? Is it understanding nature enough to be able to use one's surroundings to sustain health and energy? Does it entail the ideas of "survival of the fittest?" Is it what humans and other animals have had to do over time and evolution? Is it being able to live on during times of disaster in our country, and in this world we live in? Is it being able to "grant me [oneself] the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference?” Is it facing injustice defiantly, directly and undeterred, and having the determination to stand up for what we (you and/or I) believe in? Or is it something entirely separate from what we have the "tools" or life experience to EVER be prepared for-- but yet persevering all the same.
In my eyes, survival is something that happens when a person experiences something far beyond earth shattering. It's something that happens without will, without support- without knowing others believe in you. It's something that happens when everything joyful that you've ever loved, lost and revived- doesn't make a difference anymore. It's being helpless, lost and unable to soothe the excruciating pain you feel inside. It's knowing that the people you love- have no idea what its like to live on, when you feel that most of you has died. It's continuing to try to continue to heal, even when it seems that there's nothing you can do to take your pain away. It's being able to re-train your mind to think positive, when horrors and flashbacks continue to haunt, defile, humiliate and disown you. It's being able to hold on through the aftershocks of trauma and the fear of facing other people. It's being able to find calm when you can't seem to tell the difference between reality and your nightmares. Its being able to just keep living when you don't know who you are anymore. It's knowing that there is no choice but to keep going- even when it feels as if the world is literally shitting on you. It's being able to focus on yourself and being positive, when others look at you and think/say you are just making excuses. It's being able to remind yourself that certain experiences will cause you to act in ways that you don't like- but being able to affirm your efforts anyway. It's staying firm when your decisions/actions seem completely irrational to others- but still listening to your heart and following the path as it guides you. It's being able to remain on course- even when EVERYONE thinks they have the answer to be able to "fix," or change your situation. It's knowing that you are the only person who knows what is RIGHT FOR YOU...and it's having the initiative to change what isn't healthy in your life. It's being able to solidify your values and priorities; because your hands are full and your body/mind/soul is cluttered. It's acknowledging that you need to try to do just what is most important to your 'moving on' and healing. It's having the humility to accept that other's won't understand what its like to suffer with what you've been through-- so you can grant them patience and compassion for their words and actions. (Regardless of how it may make you feel, or how ignorant they may seem)
Most importantly- it's not giving up, no matter how discouraged you may be. It's the ability to avoid beating yourself up when you fall down and back a couple of steps- even when it felt like you were progressing. It's saving patience for yourself- to get you through those days when you just don't want to fight anymore. It doesn't matter that you want to give up, it doesn't matter that you feel hopeless. It doesn't matter if you worry that you can't continue, because survival doesn't discriminate- and it won't cut you down for the negative thoughts you have. I firmly believe that we have hearts, and soul for a reason- and without thinking everything through- you'll still be lead on the path that you need to choose and follow. Sometimes not making a decision, is the best decision you could make in life. Sometimes, letting life lead you is the best way to find your way out when you are lost. Survival- to me is to be able to bear such weight everyday without giving up entirely and not giving yourself a chance to heal. Healing will happen regardless of what we do in life- the only thing it depends on is staying alive. We're all meant to heal- but we are also mortal, it may never be complete.

I don't mean for this to be some inspirational post. I don't mean to say I do all of these things- or even most of them everyday. I'm so far from perfect that I'm not sure I could push for anymore distance. This is just a meditation to work my way through the confusion of my daily life and all the emotions, worries and thoughts that come with it. I am sure that there are others battling this everyday as well. I hope eventually I can learn from others who are trying to survive- struggling to survive at times. I hope you have the courage to reach out, if anything I'm writing means something to you in regards to your experience.