To Be Grateful, Is To Be Free

If I've learned anything at all...
the minute you stop being grateful, is when you're giving up your freedom.
It's alright to be mad at the world sometimes.
Hell, it makes a whole lot of sense to ask, why? Why me?
No one deserves to be hurt, assaulted, or have to deal with loss.
But that's life. I'm not talking about religion, I'm not trying
to prove or disprove fate, or destiny or anything like that.

I'm not saying anything profound here, I also realize. I'm sure anyone who's reading this has heard the saying "life isn't fair" a thousand times in their lives. I have too, and it pisses me off. Admittedly.

BUT, I've learned from my loss. I'm human though, and I continue to make mistakes. One of them, most recently is thinking I have the right to take a break from being grateful. I've experienced a great loss in my life, as many other people do. It taxes my heart, my mind and my soul in a way that I don't always know how to deal with. But for some reason I got a little reality check today. I got it, in the way that many of these checks are delivered; through my loved ones.

Truth be told it is my choice to be grateful, or not to be. Truth also, is that I am a survivor. Truth also, I am a person who's seen a lot in just over a quarter of a century. I'm also a person with a lot to learn, and hopefully a long life with which to do so ahead of me. But sometimes things get cloudy for me. My life has not been simple lately, I don't always feel I have the resources that I need in order to live comfortably. But who does?? I wake up every morning and there's a lot that I don't have. BUT, there's even more... MUCH more that I do have. I'm surrounded by a wealth of good health, an education, friends, clothes on my back, a family and partner who loves me... and a good head on my shoulders. Amongst many other things. I look around and I see countless others who are less fortunate than me, countless others that have thousands of challenges that I have never known... but they still have to face everyday. They still have to wake up in the morning and decide to keep living. There are even more people that I don't see, but I remember them... and I even feel like I know some of them. In some spiritual way, there are those I'm connected to without even knowing it, because of shared experiences. Sometimes it's just surviving, sometimes its joyful, sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it's enraging- just to live. But it is a gift. It truly is. Whether you are one to be thankful to god, or Buddha, or the earth, or just your mother and father or whoever you consider your maker... life is a gift.

I'm not just a survivor because of the trauma I have lived through. I'm a survivor because I have chosen to fight and work as hard as I have to- to be happy and live life in the way I know is right. I don't owe it to anyone, or even really to myself. Being happy isn't something that happens or doesn't happen to you- I believe being happy is a choice of action. One that doesn't always pay immediate dividends, but just as others have faith in whatever they believe in... I have faith in myself. I believe in the love I have for those around me, and in the love I work hard to maintain and grow for myself. I will survive because of the energy I decide to devote to being grateful for living, and the blessings that it carries. I decide not to be a victim of circumstance, or of the horrors I've seen. Horrible things happen to people every single moment, and while I do my best to protect myself and those I love... I can't prevent them all. I welcome the hardships with the joy, the defeat with the triumph. If I didn't have both I wouldn't be alive.