Sometimes the most cathartic thing in the world...

Is remembering how fortunate you are. I'm trying... each and everyday as the one year anniversary approaches. To celebrate the positive, to celebrate my health, to celebrate where I've come. The negativity will come. I can't prevent the feelings, the hurt, the fear, the likely nightmares. But I am growing back into myself more and more everyday. This was my practice earlier today...

"Nothing compares to the love I've received from my family & friends this year. Nothing compares to the support I've received, from those that love me. I am continuously humbled and touched by the amount of patience, humility, intuition, and concern my friends and loved ones have shown me. Never could I ever expect or dream of better friends.. and I know how incredibly fortunate I am. There are those of you I haven't talked to in a while, and those of you that aren't in touch with me right now for whatever reason. There are those of you that have supported me by giving me the space I needed, and there are those of you that stood by me this year through thick and thin- without hesitation. There's even a few of you that stuck with me night and day through all of the chaos, fury, anger, nightmares- flashbacks and so on. There are those of you that didn't flinch when I couldn't stop crying, never creeped away when I'd lose my temper for no reason, never judged when I didn't want to get up some mornings, or didn't want to leave the house. There are those of you that didn't expect or ask me to smile even though I usually would be, and there are those of you who refused to give up trying to give me moments of joy--even for a couple seconds to ease the ache. There are those of you that didn't flinch or step away when I was irritable and difficult- or just plain old cold. There are those of you who dragged me out of the house when I hid too long, those of you who came just to give me some company--even though I couldn't talk.. or didn't have anything to offer/say. There are those of you that would remember to give me a phone call here and there- just to find out how I was doing- and to remind me that you love me. There are those of you who just hugged or held me when I couldn't tell you what I needed--when I honestly didn't know and felt completely empty.

There's a few of you who were there in the days after 8/25/07 who listened as I told you what happened- and NEVER for a second were disturbed or thrown for a loop. There are those of you who looked me in the eyes when I completely lost it, and those that were stable and calm when I couldn't even stand-- when I really needed you. There are those of you who even held my hand and walked with me when I did some very difficult things. Those of you that stayed with me some nights when I woke up crying, or just going out of my mind.

I want each and every one of you to know just how much I appreciate you. I want you to know that every single day... for the last 365 (almost) days I have felt that your love saved my life. Every single day I knew, every single day I held on to your love and support for my dear life. Each and every one of you gave me a reason to hold on when I wanted to give up. Everyday, even though I didn't tell you-- you gave me a reason to get up in the morning. I didn't tell you what I felt inside and you continued to love and support me anyway. (even when I didn't have the words to show you that I knew-- and appreciated you.) I know I may have hurt some people along the way, I know there are those who didn't really know what was going on with me and I couldn't find it in my heart to tell you. I want to re-connect with each and every one of you, and little by little I know now that I can show you just how much you impact me.

Whether we have not been in touch for a while, regardless of the ups and downs leading up to today. Whether you have been hurt by what I have said and might be upset with me or vice versa.. every single one of you .. I want you to know how much I thank you. Without you I don't know where I'd be and my heart carries you all when the days get dark. I know I have a long road ahead of me-- but I also know how far I've come. You've had so much to do with that, and I feel it's important for me to finally say that. You know who you are, thank you all for helping me realize that I can do this, and I can continue to do this in the days ahead, healing, believing, growing and finding peace and happiness and finding myself again.

Forever I will remember you, and what you have done and shown me. I send my love out to you.....

Yours Truly"