Empty Nest

Where do you begin to pick up the pieces
when everything is lost?
Where do you turn to, through all of the damage
when your spirit has been tossed?
What do you cling to, to weather the storm
when the branches that held you, are covered with thorns?

I found a way to cover my head long enough for me to find peace and quiet in a world filled with chaos and pain. I hid my eyes long enough to refocus in this blinding culture filled with indignity and injustice. I look to myself now, instead of around to find the support to remain on firm ground. I stand up with my eyes straight ahead, I don't bow or hide when I face others. I find that its harder now to reach out to others though, I find it much harder to trust I feel nervousness and fear where before it didn't phase me. Instead of wearing my heart on my sleeve, I hold my hands to cover my chest- not fully aware of when its okay to let it out. I'm relearning to connect with others-- when for a year I made it my goal to remain outside of any circles of awareness. It's almost if I'm relearning to speak and walk after having a stroke, or after being in a coma for over a year. Others don't realize how much has changed, or even that I am a completely different person than I was before August 25th, 2007. Some of those weeks prior to that date ended up being the last time I saw many of my friends-- before now.. as I'm attempting to reconnect. Sometimes I look back at this year and feel baffled, wondering what exactly it was I held on to- as it felt I was on a freefall into a black hole that would swallow me whole, never to return. Sometimes I wonder where my faith came from, and how I found it through all of the wreckage inside of me.


"Those thieving birds
Hang strung from an empty nest
This swan plagued pond
Forsaken and under whelmed
Those leaving words
Hang strong from an emptiness
Hang strong from an emptiness
Those thieving birds
Hang strung from an empty nest

This is tearing me apart
If the sun won't shine
Forever will never be fine
Underneath the hollow ground
Lies a night time sky
For only a desperate eye

When I'm paranoid I see walls behind walls behind walls
When I'm over joyed I see falls over falls over falls
When I'm all alone I'll be wary and careful to
Only eat with uncles
Never talk to strangers
God is in the kitchen
Faking baby dangers

Change whatever karma means
For the only things that end never truly begin
If this streets air ain't up to par
I'll take my clothes and take this strange behaviour...

...If this keeps tearing me apart
The walls come down won't stop this empty feeling
For everything apart from this." - Silverchair, "Those Theiving Birds"