Circling

(Original July '08, revisited/revised 5/18/09)

I’m alright, I’m alright.. it only hurts when I breathe.
Home is a feeling I buried in you…
Now I dig and I crawl, scratch and I fall
just to regain my ability to be, to see, to feel.
My heart wanted me to stall, turn around and call
To return to even beats, to where I felt safe
But I left all that was familiar, when I walked away from you.

Today my chest still tightens, my mind still gets
Caught up, mixed up, confused and derailed
the times that I miss you are desperate and real.
I may have no pillow to rest my head
I have memories instead, my faith in you is dead.
I'm left with your shadows that linger in my dreams,
But I closed my book on loathing, when I walked away from you.

My home is where I make it, I've found the strength to see.
Still at times I doubt myself, but my heart is now at peace.
Although my outlook can be foggy and my energy may be coarse,
my spirit won't forsake me now, I find pure joy in living for me.
At times my scars distract me and my courage can run weak,
But I have the will to face my fears because my faith is in me.
Through the pain I found myself, when I walked away from you.

(in progress)