Seven Augusts

Every August comes with a disclaimer, in each of the last seven years.
Each unique in the shifts it spawns, and
every instance comes with a price.

Only now can I decide differently, as
all yesterdays disclude wins and losses.
In all moments of the present day,
only the truest ambitions thrive.

 

Each eighth month, the number of luck and irony,

pain is inevitable, yet joy is my mission.

An addiction for putting my face through the clouds

tasting the newborn fog on my tongue just

to remind myself that I am alive and well.

Seven years felt like seven suns when searching

the history to discover the path forward.

 

In each August of every year I find a store of pain.

Be it pain in my heart, pain in another, pain in my universe

each year I find that there are lessons to be learned

that shake up my world and unsettle my mind.

Where are my bearings in this world of change?

All I can feel is that I'm being sent a message

and I'm trying to listen and trust that I'll know what it means.

 

 

Aint No Way

Take it to the pyre
and I still won't back down.
Even when the screams get so loud
that my ears bleed and my eyes burn

Just keep raising the stakes
I'm waiting and ready
even when the fight is gone
I still won't back down.

Call me stubborn
and I'll tell you I'm proud
throw tornadoes at my feet
I'll still turn it around.

If I know one thing at all
its that their aint no easy way out
thankfully I am seeking to stay
will you be there when the smoke clears?

"Ain't no way for me to love you, if you won't let me. Ain't no way for me to give you all you need, if you won't let me give all of me." - Aretha Franklin

Regenerating

Pleading to my heart to slide down from the upper Milky Way
and safely back into my chest where it belongs.
From where it sprung into action, propelled by waves of intention
as clear as a river bed under ripples from a splash.
My mind, is as open as the Grand Canyon,
but its difficult to pinpoint reality when you can't find your footing.

So much has happened, yet so much has stayed the same.
It's amazing how much can change in fifteen days,
and what can transpire in five minutes.
I found myself in the space before me, waiting with open arms-
And the kinship I've been grieving for weeks, reborn before my eyes. 
Isn't it strange, when we feel betrayed,
it's common to discover our owned abandonment?

Live Each Day

"We sang our hearts out like we wouldn't have to leave this moment." -For The Year (band)

They always say you should live each day like it's your last;
like the fear of death should be what moves us to appreciate each moment.
On the other hand, I think we should always live our life like we won't ever have to stop living at all.
Isn't that what joy is? The release of fear from what it will feel like when it's gone?
Joy is the release of the oppressive fear of vulnerability, otherwise known as the "unknown."
How can we ever really appreciate today if we're already thinking about when it will be over?
In this moment, does it ever truly matter how long it will last? Joy can never be measured in length, time, volume, pitch, intensity, weight or speed.
Joy is the beauty in the immeasurable, the treasure in the untouchable, and the epiphany in the intangible.
So why waste our time trying the unattainable, yet undesirable result of grasping that which we are not entitled?
Joy is a gift that only gives for an undisclosed amount of time.
We might as well fly by the seat of our pants and ride out each crazy second of bliss while it dances through our line of vision.
And if we do, may our lives in turn be blessed by the awareness that freedom is real, and possible.
The heights of having everything, bottled up in a moment licensed to no one, but available to anyone.
May our taste for joy never dampen by the trail that it leaves behind, for instead we can use it as a light-
to guide us through each moment knowing that it will greet us in good time as long as we remain open.

The beatings that life can bring make us all want to close our big hearts to the world,
yet its our entourage of protective walls keeping us from feeling the flight of wholehearted living.
The world tells us: don't feel, just live. Don't get caught up, hung up, let down or held down. Keep moving.
Joy tells us, stop thinking so much, let it go, lighten up, open up and breathe into the beauty. Open your eyes.
Open your heart, and don't be afraid to lose your mind every now and then,
because when you get it back clearer, you can never know what depths of joy available to you unless you're willing to take that leap into the unknown, and do so with reckless abandon.

Love you Bro.

Out of the Embers

There's always so many words
when there's no time or room to say them.
So many wakeful nights spent spinning
with the thoughts in my head
and like the dial on a Fortune wheel
I find myself in perpetual wonder
towards what, when or where my
thoughts will lead me.

If in a few words I could say
what amounts to a thousand-
from my heart of hearts
I would be a rich, wise woman.
Until then I'm wrestling to come out
on top of these competing themes
eating at my ears and setting
the hairs on the back of my neck on alert.

See, there's a fire in my heart, and
I know I'm due to love it...
but when I approach I haven't quite
mastered the art of not getting burned.
This fire burns so beautifully and I know
unlike live flames, it will never die.
Yet I cannot strain to step out of the embers unless I learn to dance with the flames.

The original inspiration for "Road To The Phoenix"

In around 2002, I discovered the Tao Te Ching and was floored, and immediately felt connected to, enamored with and inspired by it in ways that many people undoubtedly experience reading the bible. It made sense to me, right away. Yet in the last 12 years the meaning has continued to expand and grow as I have, what a beautiful concept.

There's one particular verse that stands out, it inspired the Phoenix I had imagined for years, that I then searched for an image online to match my longing daydreams and fatefully discovered in Lois Cordelia's work. Lois Cordelia is the artist responsible for the amazing image that graces the logo on this website, and also inspired the creation of the tattoo on my thigh by artist Sharonn Bradbury.

Verse 22 -- Celebrate
No-thing remains itself.
Each prepares the path to its opposite.

To be ready for wholeness, first be fragmented.
To be ready for rightness, first be wronged.
To be ready for fullness, first be empty.
To be ready for renewal, first be worn out.
To be ready for success, first fail.
To be ready for doubt, first be certain.

Because the wise observe the world
through the Great Integrity, 
they know they are not knowledgeable.
Because they do not perceive
only through their perceptions,
they do not judge this right and that wrong.
Because they do not delight  in boasting,
they are appreciated.
Because they do not announce their superiority,
they are acclaimed.
Because they never compete,
no one can compete with them.

Verily, fragmentation prepares the path to wholeness,
the mother of all origins and realizations.
 -Lao Tzu, translated by Ralph Alan Dale

I highly and wholeheartedly recommend the version shown in the link below, as there have been hundreds of translations of this legendary work- none could hold a candle to the succinct, vibrant version translated from Chinese by Ralph Alan Dale. This version is stocked with beautiful artistic works, both in illustration and photography to highlight the timeless beauty and simplicity of the verses; as well as commentary after the featured verses to help those new to Taoism understand its construct and terms. There's also a helpful introduction to introduce Taoism, its history; and Lao Tzu's motivation to use "metaphoric fragments which sing the literary music of the right brain, the transcendence of language through unordinary language" (Dale, Intro, XII).  The introduction also helps readers better understand the left and right cerebral hemispheres and the very fabric of our minds and spirits that the work intends to tap into, and the aspects of liberation "from our limitations and distortions" that Lao Tzu sought to guide people towards.

When we are "fragmented," it is difficult to imagine that our countless pieces could ever fit together again to regain any semblance of the figure and identity we possessed before.  There are messages in the universe, however, that guide us to loosen our grip on what we think we've known all along; even as intrinsically as we may see and know ourselves.  To think that we could let go and experience monumental loss at our own design; and in doing so gain the wholeness that we all seek to a greater capacity than we've ever known- is a difficult leap of faith to make.  Without doing so, however, we can never even achieve a chance at the fullness of life and joy that we all deserve. Without faith and hope, we are nothing. The blessed thing about life, though is that we are never at a loss for either. Faith, by definition is always awaiting us in our periphery, destined to be elicited by conscious acts of love for ourselves and others. It is to be discovered when we are ready, and when we are most in need of its energy and direction- and a little dot of hope is all we need to be transported to where we can discover it.  We can never leave or be released from the "unwanted" places within ourselves if we do not have the courage to seek them out, open the door to live within them and love with the same fervor that we too often waste desperately sprinting to escape them. To be what you seek in happiness and freedom, we must first feel the pain of the shackles tightened over the nightmares of our past. To be set free, we must first admit that we have been held down for far too long. Be empty, to be fulfilled.

May you be peace and love always,
Phoenix

Healing Trauma: What it Really Takes to Liberate your Brilliance

I recently discovered an amazing blog entry while perusing The Integral Approach to Psychotherapy regarding the importance of resolving trauma within our histories, within our hearts, souls, minds and lives.  The damage that can be done by ignoring or continually banishing our "unwanted" emotions from the pain of our past, is greater than that which can be overcome by scraping the surface or ridding ourselves from the memories, or even from the effects of the scars.  The more we try to escape, the deeper we become entrenched within and shackled onto our pain; and the more difficult it will be to overcome.  Yet for those who are committed, there is another side to your story- and a light within that can shine so brilliantly beyond anything you ever thought possible. Patience is key, but courage and faith, and hope for something better will light a fire that you can follow with the help of a trusted other. Whether that other is a psychotherapist, a guide, a spiritual coach, or other figure in your life that you trust with your "unwanted" parts/emotions. See an excerpt below, and please visit this webpage and see the brilliance for yourself.

The most exciting part of the human experience is the creative potential that awaits in the center of our wounds waiting to be accessed and embodied. 

If we choose to stay unconscious and unaware of our wounds and how they affect our present lives, we remain handicapped by the fog of projection and the cognitive distortions of our early experiences. However, If we choose to lean into our pain for the sake of transformation and address our wounds directly, we have the potential to live lives beyond what you can currently imagine where joy, love and peace are the primary reality we experience. 

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ― C.G. Jung

Healing Trauma: What it Really Takes to Liberate your Brilliance as seen on Womb of Light, thanks to writer and inspirational speaker Bethany Webster. (PLEASE NOTE: Image seen here is the logo from Womb of Light, all rights reserved to Womb of Light and Bethany Webster.)

http://womboflight.com

Phoenix Road Books for Social Work, Psychology, self help, and entertainment books, DVD's, music and more!

For those of you that don't know, I wanted to bring my business to your attention.  Phoenix Road Books has been in existence for about the same time as this website itself. The store was developed to support this website and keep it running; with books containing themes similar to those introduced in the work and containing material to inspire and expand on ideas introduced on this page. Most of the books in my inventory are catered to those interested in recovery from trauma, mental health studies, and personal self-help books. However, the store also carries general entertainment DVD's and books, and those for other interests. I'd love it if you would take a look and as with anything published on this website, I am very open to suggestions, submissions and requests.  Please let me know if you need any help navigating the store, purchasing items or if you would like to request that a particular item be ordered. I have access to quite a bit of updated Social Work literature and other resources that may be very helpful to you and I would be more than happy to seek out particular titles if you so desire.

http://www.amazon.com/shops/phoenix_road_books

Thinking of you and looking forward to reading creative submissions!

Be love,
Phoenix

You left your mark on me

Or so you thought

I left my heart

Temporarily

You left your mark on me

Or so you thought

I came back to find it

But somewhere in between

I lost me.

I left more marks on me

Or so I thought

I found myself again

I left more marks on me

Mistook blood for emotion

And I’m jump starting endlessly.

I’ve got my eyes on you

You’re everywhere that I see

I’ve got a circular devotion

To all that’s been failing me.

I gave you everything I feel

Yet nothing that was real

When I went to assess the damage

The marks were gone

But the pain was obscene

It was as if I could taste it

If I ever uttered a word

I might not embrace it

But I can’t help but face it.

Refinancing Meditation

Sometimes the first time you meditate on something isn't enough. In the moment, you can be a practiced yogi, or even a practitioner of meditation; and go as deeply into thought and emotion as time will allow you to go. In that moment, you could have reached the depths of potential for a particular focal point, subject, intention or energy. Yet, with time passing by; this potential changes, and your ability to dig deeper does as well.  This leads to one of the oldest methods to my madness, in reviewing older material; some of which may be unfinished- some of which I previously thought were complete, I walk even further with difficult emotions than my feet would take me the first time around. I don’t always understand what the connection is to my original meditation and writing; to what comes out the second time around. Sometimes the two pieces are related, sometimes the second piece is no more than an extension of the first, and sometimes the second piece takes thinking and feeling in an entirely different direction.  Sometimes when I’m writing the second time around it feels as if I discover the true meaning behind what I was scraping at to begin with. Sometimes that feels like a breakthrough. Other times it feels like a slap in the face, makes me wonder how I could have missed it the first time around. Regardless, I always feel as if I was supposed to re-walk certain paths, and I wouldn’t have known that had I not attempted openly, aimlessly, to step into something real. To reassess that which I had traversed before, to find out if I looked over everything. To find out how I have grown, and where that growth may take me with my older thoughts and intentions. To reevaluate, re-appreciate, respect in retrospect.

Just some thoughts to share for those who are writers or want to take their craft more seriously. Remember, none of us are beyond the need for re-evaluation! It can be immensely powerful to hear others' feedback on your work, but in your own time it is a way to grow beyond your own perspective, and expand your thinking to what's "outside the box." What are some ways you re-evaluate your work?

It's been a very long time since we've seen any submissions here on Road to the Phoenix. I'd love to see more of your work! Please feel free to submit any freewrites, social commentary, poetry or other art forms you feel apply to the themes of this website. Thanks as always for reading!

-Phoenix

Frequencies of Protection

Tell me why,
have I been running in circles
for so long now?
Tell me why,
when I look at you
you don't know me anymore?
Tell me why,
after all this time
I am asking myself the same questions
while the answers often land
in such distance from the truth?

In the end,
when so much depends
on finding the truths
within ourselves;
tell me why,
we spend so much time
and expend precious energy
creating fantasies of grandeur?
To decorate, elaborate, accentuate
and feed our egos...
...a perfect decoy for the truth.

Tell me why,
I often find myself
so far outside of my voice,
that I cannot decode my own
frequencies of protection?
Tell me why,
it's become so difficult
to ascertain the difference
between what I've been
telling myself and what's recorded
in spiritual transmission?

I find it rather unsettling,
that I could step so swiftly
outside of my center,
that I leave no footsteps
for my heart to follow home.
Tell me why, I can sit here
grasping at straws
gasping for clarity
ready to lunge at a moment's notice
just to land in a spot that feels
even remotely like home.

Rumination on NY Times' article, an exposé on "The Brutality of ‘Corrective Rape’"

We as Americans write articles like this and call it anthropological research. We enter a foreign country, study and interview her people, traverse and welcome ourselves in others homes, and into suffering "others'" lives. Then into their lives we inject our analysis, our "educated" opinions, and then report back to America; and into the minds of those who read this story, and ingest it as truth because it comes from a reputable or scholarly source. We can be thorough, scholarly, and even considered "courageous" for telling a story about a "far away place" with a "problem" so severe, that we believe the world's (mainly our) shame is the only prescription to "fix" it. Those might be well deserved descriptions; but of course this, as with most things, is debatable.

What I want to know is, why are we so blind to the ways that these "others" and their stories represent themselves in our own culture, in our own back yards, in our own schools, and in our own homes?  Why do I have to explain what 'rape culture' is, almost every time that I use the term?  Why is it that people look away quickly, as if I've offended their sensibilities, when I tell them that much of my volunteer experience focuses on rape prevention?

With this being said, there is something unmistakably courageous, about giving the voiceless a voice. Rape is a particularly violent form of oppression that is exacerbated by the fear that lives inside of all of us.  The same fear that causes family members to hide and/or condone assault of their loved ones out of shame, in an attempt to "protect" that which they consider sacred.  In allowing the fear to steer the ship, the "sacred" that they were desperate to hide, created the "corrective" action that perpetuates the violence, and sinks the ship. When we hide from the stories, and inside of denial; we're solidifying and empowering the very source of violence that created the stories to begin with.

Can the effort to give a voice to the voiceless, a platform for the forgotten "other" in an often underserved, struggling area, country or society-- veer from courageous, and slip into exploitative? I think so, especially when that "voice" that we are trying to give, is preemptively quieting and redirecting the voice from within, the voice from inside of our own walls. What is it about the voice of our own women, here in the US, that makes us look away, shrug off, make "rape jokes" about, use derogatory terms like "slut," or write off as "feminist ideals?"  I do not intend to discount the value of reporting sexual violence in an effort to expose oppression in its most insidious forms, wherever this report may originate.  In a world where the last thought is placed on the survivors of sexual violence, in a society where we're spending too much time about what the survivor was wearing, how many partners a survivor had in the past, or how many drinks this person had; exposure is the first step to creating change. The value of said reporting notwithstanding, what can we do to create awareness, respect and commitment to addressing, understanding and placing value on the issues in our own backyards? I believe that begins with using our anthropology, to place the same attention and analysis at home as well. That begins by admitting that we have a problem of epidemic proportions; but can we as Americans step out of our self-absorption? I'd like to think that this is possible. What can we do to create a better understanding of our own issues?

stuck awake in the moment when 

sleep is an rsvp'd guest

understanding that life is a

mystery, and all i can do is guess.

Somewhere between sweating 

and a hot mess,

i look over at my gorgeous beauty

and somehow misery has been bested.

Inspired

Inspired by warriors, friends, and the force that brought marriage equality to the Supreme Court!

You think we won't win,
and who I am is a sin?
You think I speak too loud,
and that I am just too proud?
You think it's shoving down your throat,
and believe my rights are your vote?
You think that I'll convert your child,
and that it's okay to condone my defiling?

The world now knows how you feel
and that your ignorance is real.
Marriage is not mine to steal
but your place in history will be revealed.


I'm looking at the flags over Boston today, in support of Marriage Equality at the DOMA Rally at City Hall. I feel proud that I am not devoting my life to robbing life from others who want to live freely, without shame. I am proud to be who I am, regardless of who I say it to, regardless of what the laws will "let me" do.

I'm comfortable to let history define me as a person who won't roll over and die in the face of rampant bigotry and prejudice. I won't stop. I won't give in, and I won't forget about the lives that are changed, hurt or much worse, from oppressive policies/laws/attitudes that put the lives and well being of American citizens, adults and defenseless children, at risk. I won't forget who has been hurt, and I won't forget the people I love, and I won't forget myself. Today and everyday, liberty was intended for everyone.

"When you know your worth, no one can make you feel worthless."

                                                DOMA Rally at the Boston City Hall Plaza 3/26/13

Breathing Phoenix - Reincarnated (revised)

(I decided that the poem needed further work after my first edit, feel free to comment on the two! NOTE: This poem was written/revised for One Billion Rising. Read original Breathing Phoenix here if you wish)

After your invasion,

I thought that I would break.

Me and my big old heart,

what would be left, once I got back up?

Those words were never uttered aloud

but I heard them in the quieted reflections and

muttered memories like amplified whispers.

Sure, I've learned a thing or two about pain

over the years since the terror of your shame.

I lost my innocence on a fateful day, that remains

a distant memory, despite the demise.

I encountered a darkness I had never seen when

I faced the demons incited by you.

But I've learned a thing or two about me as well,

about what is inside me, beyond what you can tell

beyond what others see, or can even hear

underneath my heartbeat, underneath my chest.

Outside of my bleeding heart, yet holding it close.

It pushes me to stand, when my heart wants to rest.

It gets me out of bed, when I want to shut the world out.

It gives me back my smile, when I struggle with my fears.

It encourages me to do my best, when I feel beaten down.

It gives me comfort when I need it the most,

and it understands when my anger roasts me.

It picks me up when I've lost my ground,

and gives me faith far beyond what is "sound."

It's the fire that feeds me when my body runs cold,

and it's the mist that cools me when my passion burns.

It's the reason I stand, and permits me to stand down.

It fuels me when I lose my will, and shows me how to stop when I've had my fill.

It's the reason I'm alive; despite what I do, how much I get hurt

or how much I've been through.

It's stronger than my intuition and even my heart

the spirit inside me will never die.

(My inspiration for this revision)

Breathing Phoenix (Reincarnated)

(I was recently invited to speak for One Billion Rising, and while looking through material I was inspired to reinterpret this piece, as it seems to have taken new meaning in my life over the years, with new vision and growth having occurred since I wrote it. Feel free to share your thoughts!) 

After the invasion,
I thought that I would break.
Me and my big old heart,
what would be left, once I could get back up?
No one ever uttered those words aloud
but I heard them in the quieted tones and the
muttered glances like amplified whispers.

Sure, I've learned a thing or two about pain
over the years since your shame.
I lost my innocence on a fateful day, that remains
a distant memory, despite the demise.
I encountered a darkness I had never seen when
I faced the demons incited by you.

But I've learned a thing or two about me as well,
about what is inside me, beyond what you can tell
beyond what others see, or can even hear
underneath my heartbeat, underneath my chest.
Outside of my bleeding heart, yet holding it close.
It pushes me to stand, when my heart wants to rest.
It gets me out of bed, when I want to shut the world out.
It gives me back my smile, when I struggle with my fears.
It encourages me to do my best, when I feel beaten down.
It gives me comfort when I need it the most,
and it understands when my anger roasts me.
It picks me up when I've lost my ground, and
and gives me faith far beyond what is "sound."
It's the fire that feeds me when my body runs cold,
and it's the mist that cools me when my passion burns.

It's the reason I stand, and permits me to stand down.
It fuels me when I lose my will, and shows me how to stop when I've had my fill.
It's the reason I'm alive; despite what I do, how much I get hurt
or how much I've been through.
It's stronger than my intuition and even my heart
the spirit inside me will never die.

Craving

Do you ever feel as if you are craving attention and you have no idea why?
Does it make you feel motivated to find out why, or do you beat yourself up over it?

What's interesting about this feeling for me is that I am a person that likes to go about my life and make decisions independently without garnering attention or unnecessary praise for the things I do. I don't like to be the center of attention and there's a little voice inside telling me its childish to long for attention.  Whether that is true or not, valid or falsehood; that is what my mind shoots back at me when I feel like I'm feeling right now. This feeling is difficult for me because I see it impacting the way I interact with my partner, and it creates a lingering pain that hovers because of the lack of presence of friends in my life.  Graduate School has required more of my time and energy than I could have ever imagined that it would, despite the numerous  warnings from friends and family members that had already been through it. But it has created a distance between me and the small group of friends that I have, both because of how busy I have become and due to the stress making me want to isolate myself.  It's left me feeling cold and very lonely, throughout much of the last two years.  Being lonely to this extent, at the depth that I have- for the length of time that I have; has created ripples in my spirit.  It really has had an impact on me, and I guess I am writing now; slightly desperate and a little afraid of what exactly has happened inside of me as a result.  I've become quite practiced on putting my deepest emotions on the back burner, to stay focused and open at school, and for the ability to be present with my clients. However, when I have some time for myself and I try to re-visit my "self," often times it is difficult to translate my feelings. Or, to find them at all.  Sometimes I just want to be with someone so I don't have to think about any of it, what I feel or what I see on a daily basis. Just to be me without any title or job description. To put my "healer" hat down for a moment and just live.

Guess I am not very practiced at being forgiving. Or being able to be present with the loneliness and not just feel haunted by it. This is right now, not forever; and my life will always be what I create out of it. *Sigh.* Just keep breathing!  Feel free to share your thoughts, in a poem or just a comment!

Free Fall

I think I'm falling

or the floor beneath me is rising

but I can't seem to stand still

and my mind is reeling

for the sake of feeling

Am I falling?

Or are we emerging?

I can't tell up from down

it feels like we're spinning around

and my pulse is multiplying

I know I'm falling

yet here you firmly stand

with a calm spirit and a flow

of energy that gives me chills

and jump starts my idle heart

For you...

my chest is a revolving door
and you just reach in and pull me out
but I'm no fish out of water in this, love
I'll hit the ground running.

Abandoning Anchor

"We could keep things just the same
leave here the way we came
with nothing to lose
but I don't want to, if you don't want to." -Sugarland

We could sit here on the shore, and
watch as the water moves without us
or walk hand in hand, and
take the boat and actually sail in it.
who cares what the weather brings
we don't need to know everything

just one thing at a time, because one of "us,"
is one more than most can say
the bond we share, and seas we'll sail
are worth more in kind, than
any value could define.

The shores have always been kind to me
soothing and calming me with her waves
protecting my spirit with a wealth
of sea breezes to refresh my tired mind, and
endless depths of strength to guide me.

Perhaps for the first time in my life, I don't
want to think, I just want to jump in.
I know there's no telling where the water will take us
but I know that we'll swim, and I've already won.

I've got a lot of failed sails, sore memories
stowed away wasted messages in bottles that beg us to
map a plan, to navigate the waters and avoid the sands
but for the first time in my life
I don't want to think, or fear
what i could be feeling in reality

Electric Veins (sister poem)

(Sometimes when I post, unfinished... "poems in flux" it is a catalyst for change. This poem has been on the tip of my tongue for a long time, and I'm not sure where to go with it so... here it is so far.)

Charged energy courses through my veins
sparking capricious frequencies in my spirit
that unscrew my consciousness, and set my mind ablaze.
Despite the status quo, my state of being or my life...
When it courses through me...all bets are off.

When the hair on the back of my neck
stands up like the arched back of a startled cat
the air feels thick and appears more sudden
more vulnerable, less connected.
I don't know whether to go to the source
or run for cover to the nearest tree.
Either way I might be stopped by lightning
seizing the wiring inside of me.

Should I be brave? Or more certain for sure...
I'm a self-made woman, fit for the fight.
But I'm tender around the edges
prone to condoning deceit.